procellous | you win, you live. you lose, you die.

you win, you live. you lose, you die.

battle royale au
call me out! muselist here, though i've only got journals for the upper guys ( + mikasa).

[ It'd happened too quickly; it hadn't even been an hour when he'd said they could just run, maybe avoid all the bloodshed. All he'd wanted was for Armin to be safe, and now? They're murderers. The both of them.

But Armin has nothing to be sorry about. If Eren'd just been a little faster, aimed for the throat with his first stab and not his second, then they'd never have needed the gun. Seeing him terrified, stumbling over an apology—Eren feels tears swell belatedly at his eyes, lip trembling. I just killed someone.

Earlier this morning, they'd been talking about how to study for a math test. That maybe they should pick up Mikasa's favorite snack from the convenience store on their way home. His life, while boring, was a lifetime of peace he hadn't deserved. Happiness had softened him. And now—in an instant, with a tiny, two-inch blade—it was gone.

He quickly pulls ahead of Armin, their hands still clenched together like its their last lifeline, completely out of breath when they finally come across a stream. And there'll inevitably be others who'll be attracted by the babbling brook, but Eren falls by the riverside, scrambling one of the empty bottles out of his pack. ]

Where do we go?

[ His voice is hoarse from tears, distracted as he tries to wash the blood away. It's started to cake and brown against his skin, too deep into his clothes to try and wash out, and he wonders how long they've been running. ] What... what should we do?

( think. think, think think. he has to catch his breath. he has to compose himself. if keeping eren alive was the goal, then he's going to have to get over this paralysis of his. and armin is determined, his will making up for the strength he never had. eren tries to wipe the blood off himself, but armin stands there stock-still. thinking about things in terms of strategy helps him forget that he's a murderer, but the sound of blood gurgling from that boy's throat will haunt his nightmares for as long as he's alive.

which won't be for very long. perhaps that's a mercy. he won't have to live with the things he's done. eren will, though.

how much does he want to stain his hands in order to protect his friend? how much can he stand it? the question is ringing in armin's mind as he folds the map as if that might give them a clue. it doesn't. but he's read so much over the years, mostly of biology and chemistry. some of that has to come in handy now, right? there's got to be something. )

We're going to...we should find someplace to sleep that isn't easily accessible. Maybe a tree, but that should be a last resort.

( he's trying hard to keep his voice steady, but it's still trembling and oddly raw from so much crying and screaming. armin is very clearly trying to keep a strong face for the both of them. he's not very good at hiding it right now. )

And...we're going to set a trap. With the rope you got in your pack.

[ Chemistry seemed like so long ago. Sitting in a room with thirty other kids he knew by name, passing notes and dirty glares, and the worst he could think was that some of them were real assholes. Trauma? Death—? Even he wouldn't have wished this shit on them.

He wants to go back to carbon and atomic bonds, but that's not happening.

He stops scrubbing at his skin (it's already red, angry blood vessels popping from abuse) to glance up at Armin. He's trying, but they've known each other long enough that he can read his friend. He's scared. He's affected. But at least his brain is running, which is more than he can say for himself—Eren's thoughts are disastrous, barely anything more than adrenaline and fight, survive, win.

Maybe that's why he draws the conclusion so quickly: ]

If we leave someone in a trap they'll die.

[ Maybe not quickly, maybe not easily. The most pragmatic thing to do would be to kill them and take their supplies after, and it might even be the merciful option given the alternative. But he's not sure he can call any of their actions gracious. ]

( armin's always spent a lot of time thinking about morality. they had a lot of intro to philosophy classes, and he was always pretty good at them. so there's some kind of cardinal rule, right: do not kill. but even in the law, there are factors that go into it. mitigating factors. constrained choices. he wants eren to get out of this alive. if he can get over the knee-jerk reaction of disgust...

but that's not something that most people can just turn off. it's something borne out of trauma, or something that people inherently have.

he swallows hard, his fists balling despite the dried blood caked on them. )

I'd rather not get caught by surprise again. We nearly died just now, because we weren't prepared.

( armin's words are strong, but his tone is uncertain. they're murderers. and he can think about moral relativism all he wants but the first instinct is to think of himself as a bad person. and that includes eren, too. neither of them are going to escape from this as innocents. it's only going to get much, much worse from here. )

A trap gives us some warning, at least. I just...I don't want to feel like prey. I don't want us to end up cornered like some wild animals.

( so they'll be the hunters, instead. it's just safer. more practical. thinking about practicalities is just easier at this point. )

[ Eren's moral compass is far less ambiguous. Black and white, because grays are complicated. Bad people should get what they deserve, and good ones should be rewarded. It made thinking about the people here, people just like them that just wanted to live and might've thrown up at the sight of all the blood on their clothes, scary as all hell.

The blood on his arms is gone, but the smell of iron doesn't leave. He nearly gags, managing to choke out some words instead. ]

All right. That makes sense.

[ It was just a precaution. They wouldn't really need to worry about anything unless the caught someone, and how likely was that? It was a big island, right? It's possible that everyone was on the completely other side.

He thinks it, but even he can't bring himself to believe. He'll never know life as an optimist, especially not after this. He splashes his face, rubs furiously at the streaks of blood before shaking the droplets away. ]

Get some water. We're heading out.

[ They do manage to find some shelter soon enough: an old shack that's a strong vantage point, two sides of it facing a cliff. The other two are hard to reach with the foliage and mud, and it takes them a good hour and a half just to climb up and set up 'camp.' And their traps.

He sits in the slipshod cabin, letting his head fall back onto the wall with an exhausted thunk. ] This place is too good for people not to start showing up. [ People who'd probably be willing to kill them over a one-room, weather-beaten shack. Hilarious. He opens one of his eyes almost lazily. They should at least make some use of it. ] If you wanna sleep a little, I'll keep watch.

( it's a good enough vantage point for them to consider setting up camp here. it had taken a while for them to get their traps all set up, armin kneeling against nearby trees to tie delicate knots that will go off with the addition of extra weight. knots meant to string people up by the ankle, hidden snares. he never really was one for the outdoors or anything before this, but armin's read a whole lot of books in his lifetime. and more importantly, he knows how to read people.

he's satisfied that these will at least give them some kind of warning. and if not, he's scattered brittle twigs and extra dry leaves in choice vulnerable areas. most people shouldn't be able to avoid them without making some sort of noise, right? they're dealing with high school children, not professional soldiers.

their classmates, a voice whispers at the back of his mind. when he's exhausted, it's easier for such thoughts to creep back from their banishment. )

No, I couldn't..

( but then, armin's sort of slumped over and he's already dozing off. his dreams are disturbing and filled with blood. he twitches and moans a lot in his sleep. but then, it's probably to be expected. )

Yeah, yeah. [ The teasing is light and Eren settles in close, adjusting Armin so he slumps heavily onto his shoulder and not the wall. It doesn't help with the restless groans, but nothing probably would.

Eren's thoughts drift. They'd do this on the bus sometimes: Armin would be tired from a sleepless night of studying, Eren'd pass out from staying out too late the night before. Sometimes they'd just stay up, talking to each other over the game of the month, blaming lag on missing a crucial punch in Street Fighter or the like. Laughing until two in the morning and falling asleep on each other five hours later.

And when they were younger, he would have Mikasa in one hand in Armin in the other, dragging them off the sidewalks into whatever trouble he could find. He almost thinks to comfort him, maybe take his hand now—but he doesn't want to get blood on his palms.

(Eren's hands are clean, but they don't feel that way.)

He's tired, but his eyes stubbornly stay open as he speaks, staring steadily outside. ]

It'll be okay.

[ Armin's not even awake to hear it, but Eren presses his cheek on the other boy's hair for a second before getting to his feet. He checks over their weapons, makes sure the blade edges are all sharp enough to kill fast. ] I'll deal with anyone who shows up.

[ It's not for another two hours that the twigs outside snap. Eren turns in an instant, hand immediately grabbing for the knife and heading towards the window. ]

( their lives were so mundane before this, so entirely regular, that armin has never had to be anything but soft and kind. there were bullies to contend with, academic pressures and the regular slate of teenaged problems, but he'd give almost anything to be able to go back to something like that. now he knows that even if they manage to get out of this, nothing will ever be the same.

but then, armin isn't putting too much hope in the both of them getting out of here. he's still got his own objective in mind, no matter how much eren might hate it. which is why he's almost angry at himself for falling asleep. he's not the one that's supposed to need it.

ultimately, it's a yell that jolts him awake. not the twigs snapping, but the noise of someone getting caught in the rudimentary trap that armin had set out, the rope tightening around the person's ankle given just the right amount of pressure. he wasn't sure if it would work. his knowledge of such things came from a deep understanding of physics and a few rudimentary glances at other books that he's not quite forgotten the contents of. but it does work, and when armin jolts awake, he rubs and his eyes and immediately feels a little sick.

his trap had worked. he hadn't wanted it to, hadn't wanted things to come down to this. but here they are, with one of their classmates struggling to try and free his leg from the knots. armin feels a little sick. )

Eren.

( he's trying to fight back the panic in his voice, but it's not working very well. )

What are we going to do?

[ They were a mismatched pair, people said. Eren was a delinquent with a sharp tongue and a sharper glare, no real future besides worrying his parents and getting put away after starting enough fights. Armin was brilliant and faded away into the background, like maybe being quiet and obscure would save him from being stuffed in lockers. But they didn't know that Eren had dreams and Armin would talk back to the other boys that picked on him, that maybe they were more alike than people gave them credit for.

It would've been nice to just live out their lives like that, together. They were practically joined at the hip, and he doesn't want to think that one of them won't make it out alive. They'd escape, things would go back to normal, and then maybe he'd stop being a pansy and ask if they could go to prom together, and things would just... go on from there.

(He doesn't believe that for a second. If anything, he thinks with a newfound appreciation for morbidity, Armin wouldn't have to worry about those bullies anymore.)

His heart thrums at a million miles a minute, looking out and seeing no one. Must've been one of the further traps, beyond a bit of brush and undergrowth. ]

I... [ For a second he flounders, mouth still hanging open with his best, bewildered impression of a deer in headlights. But... he said he would deal with them, and Eren isn't one to break his promises. It feels like the tiny hilt of the knife in his hand is going to splinter with how tight he's gripping it, but his voice steels over. ] I'll go check it out. [ It doesn't matter whether or not Armin follows him: he could use the backup, but he certainly doesn't want his friend playing spectator for what might happen next. Either way, he cracks open the door and starts to head over in the direction of the struggling gasps and thrashing. ] Stay here, or behind me. Don't do anything stupid for my sake—got it?

[ He levels Armin a hardened look before rounding the corner of their little shack. And with the new field of vision, his breath catches in his throat, bravado evaporating as quickly as it came.

The girl caught in the trap is small, struggling, and all too familiar. The blonde head of hair scares him, because Armin's been on his mind all day, but it's— ] Krista...?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

you win, you live. you lose, you die.

yeah besides plurk and stuff, no proof at all

i'm 100% innocent here

i can't believe i managed to write this while crying about jesus

jesus loves u

you say as i write about gay teenagers killing people

gay teenaged murderers what a time to be alive

god bless

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